Falling Closer: GSR
by SeriaL WriteR
Summary: no spoilers, someone in the team is hurt badly, but was it a person, or something more sinister that hurt them?
1. Chapter 1

Falling Together: GSR

No spoilers, set whenever, before or after Living Doll

Disclaimer: obviously I don't own CSI or Sara and Grissom would be together, and Sara would have had intense therapy long ago.

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"Hey Nick, where'd all the coffee go? You realise Sara is gonna kill you when she finds you didn't fill it up…"

Warrick was a tease, everyone knew it, but I loved it. When his soft warm hands ran through my curly blonde hair… Bad thoughts Cat, not at work

"He has a point Nick, you'd better fill it up." A smile plays at Nicks lips, but he fills the coffee up anyway.

"Where is Sara anyway? She's never late." It was a statement, but also a question, Greg had a point.

At that moment Grissom walked in with the assignments.

"OK, Vegas seems to be sleeping tonight, we only have two cases, Warrick, Nick and Greg, you guys have a DB at the old landing strip, male African American aged mid 20's, no obvious signs of death."

"Catherine, you and Sara are with me, we have a female in critical condition at the hospital, the crime scene is at a hotel a couple of blocks away from here. Ill explain on the way."

His eyes studied the rooms, and the four pairs of eyes watching him, waiting for him to realise.

"Where is Sara?"

No reply.

"OK get too it I will find her on the way, Cat, with me."

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Where was she? I had tried calling her home and cell several times. Maybe she just wasn't up to it today. That's got to be it… She's fine, stop worrying Gil.

"So update me, what have we got Griss?"

His thoughts were interrupted…

"Oh sorry, female, Caucasian, early to mid thirties. It appears to be a hate crime of some kind, numerous knife wounds to the vagina. The only reason she is alive is because a nosey doorman wanted to see her in the shower."

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Somewhere in the background a phone rings for the 8th time.

"Give her a transfusion, she needs blood desperately, after that we are done, its up to her. Find out who she is and who to contact."

After the orderly had secured her in here room, he found her phone with 8 missed calls, all reading Grissom.


	2. but how she?

Chapter 2, remember, if you don't like the way I write, then b don't read it and abuse me /b 

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There was blood everywhere, in the bath, on the tiles, on the carpet, and even the bed. It was amazing the poor girl was alive.

And the knife, lying there softly, teasing me.

"Hey Griss, I've processed all I can here, we need to get to the girl and find out who she is."

"OK Cat, lets head to the lab then hospital."

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"Grissom."

"Hey Griss, its Hodges, I've got a positive ID on the blood and finger prints, only one donor on both… Its not good."

"Tell me now, who is she."

"Its Sara."

In the parking lot we were too stunned to move.

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"Hi there sweety, try not to move much, you have quite a few stitches and blood loss." The nurse smiled at Sara as she slowly awoke.

She was in the Critical Care section of Vegas Hospital, with three pairs of eyes looking at her. Brass, Catherine, and Grissom.

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"You're awake, sweetie, I'm so glad your ok." Grissom was so relieved that he went and kissed Sara's hand.

"Sarah, are you ok?" She looked so sad, so lost, so _broken. _"Sara please talk, your really scaring me."

But she just kept looking straight ahead, not even acknowledging me, or Brass, or even the man kissing her hand, looking rather scared.

After several hours of trying to get Sara to talk, doctors running tests, and Brass trying to get an official statement, the doctors declared that she would be staying in the Psychiatric Ward. Grissom never left her side.

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I found nothing. Absolutely jack all. I had tested for sexual assault, defensive wounds, DNA under the fingernails, even a tox screen. There was NO evidence… only the wounds sustained during the attack, and a round bruise, consistent with a gun at her temple. The only conclusion was that someone had her at gun point and made her do this to herself. That made me feel sick.

"Sara, what happened to you." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

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"Warrick, any news on Sara's case, I'm about to go to the hospital and update Grissom."

"Sorry Cat, there is no evidence of anyone inside." Great, Grissom is gonna love this.

"CATHERIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!" what the hell was that…. Oh, Greg. "Can I come with you, I got Sara a 'Get well Soon' candle for when she gets home."

"Sure Grego, ill drive."

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"Gil, can I have a word?"

"Sure Cat, any news on this mystery guy?"

"I'm sorry, but there isn't even a footprint in that room. There was no-one else in there with her."

"But… then… she?" I could see his eyes glaze over as the realisation hit him. "She did this to herself?"

"GUYS!" Greg looked very panicked, "Sara, she's not doing so good."

We rushed back into the ward, wondering what was wrong. Doctors started piling in and shouting directions.

"Acuphase, 100mg, NOW!"

Then there was a blood curdling scream as they injected here with the sedative.

"NO STOP! I'M SORRY I'M SO SORRY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, STOP SAYING THAT!"

The doctors caught her as she collapsed, then started whispering among themselves, "seclusion for observation, until tomorrow morning at least, lets hope its not an episode."

"An episode, what kind of an episode?" The panic in Grissom's voice was evident as he started shaking.

"Lets go and get some water, Grissom doesn't need to see this." I had no clue what Greg was talking about, but I'd known him long enough to take his advice on this one.

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	3. you smell gil

**Ok, I don't give a shit if you don't like this story, don't comment if you hate it… im not forcing you to read it, that's your choice. **

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There was a phase of blurred vision lasting minutes, then there was a white light for several more minutes. Is this what it feels like to die? I was comforted by the thought that I was dead, until the room I was in came into focus. Why was I in a seclusion room… I hadn't been in one of these for 25 years.

"Psychotic…"

"… self mutilation, intentional?"

"Let me in."

Who was talking, were they talking about me? I'm not psychotic, and I didn't hurt myself!

"Sara, what's wrong?" Grissom rushed in, putting his hand on my back and slowly rubbing it trying to get me to calm down. But I had blocked him out as the memories had flooded back. It was like I was re-living a dream, well nightmare, but it was so real.

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"Why is she rocking back and forth?!" tears were streaming down her face as I asked this. "Someone tell me what's happening!!!"

"I'm sorry Mr Grissom, but you're going to have to leave now, your welcome to stay in the observatory with your co-workers."

"No, SARA!!!!!" The nurses grabbed me fiercely and dragged me outside the room, hurriedly locking the door behind me.

I wandered towards the observatory consumed by my thoughts and worries, what was going on?

"Griss, come over here a sec." Greg, what was Greg doing here? "You look like shit."

"Thanks, what do you want?" He could sense I was loosing my tolerance for him, so he made it short and quick.

"What do you want to know? I'm the expert in psychiatric disorders and treatment centres."

Right now I didn't care how Greg knew this, I just wanted answers.

"What do they think is wrong with her?"

"Psychosis. That means the condition could be psychotic depression, schizophrenia or bipolar, most commonly."

"And what just happened, why were her pupils out of focus, it was like she wasn't in the room with me."

"She wasn't, she was re-living what happened to her."

"What did happen to her?" Did I really want to know the answer to this…

"Well all the evidence, psychiatric and forensic, suggest that she was having a psychotic episode. Brought on by stress, a case, her personal life or suicidal ideation."

Greg looked at me, I could tell he was asking me if I wanted him to continue.

"And then?"

"Well, this is just speculation, but she could have heard voices, or seen people that made her do this to herself, in a deranged suicide attempt where the brain wants to kill every cell in the body. Its like a self destruct mechanism, in order to protect what ever she was trying to block out, and it becomes too much. So she has to somehow get her mind off it."

"So she did this to herself? It wasn't someone trying to kill her?"

"That's most likely. I'm sorry Grissom."

He truly did look sorry.

"So what's the treatment?"

"Well in order to get her in this room they sedated her with Acuphase, which lasts about a week on the first dose. They will give her an anti-psychotic like Seroquel or Lithium. The Lithium mainly works for mania, so assuming they give her that they will have to give her an anti-depressant, and also a mood stabiliser. Alone with some form of adrenalin, like Edronax, to keep her awake but not psychotic or manic."

"That's a lot of medications…"

"It is, but in time she will learn how to control her condition. And the medications really do work wonders, trust me, I've seen some pretty loony people who now lead normal lives. She will be ok, as long as she has our support."

"Thanks Greg. You really cleared that up for me…" He wanted to ask why Greg knew this much about psychiatric disorders, but he held back for now. There would be a time to ask, but now wasn't it.

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"So… wow… How did Grissom take it?" Nick and Warrick were eager to hear what had happened to Sara recently, and after several hours they had come to the conclusion that (with the help of Catherine) they would relieve Grissom for the day, so he could get some rest and a well overdue shower.

At the hospital Catherine was trying to reason with Grissom.

"Gill, you need rest, and more importantly a **shower.** Do you want Sara to smell your build up of four days sweat when she wakes up?"

"Convincing Cat, but I had a shower this morning in the change rooms."

"Come on Gil, your only making this harder for yourself. Please, Sara wouldn't want you to neglect your own needs so you can watch her sleep."

"OK, one day."

He didn't look happy.

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**I've had all of these medications and many more, trust me, most of them have less than ideal side effects.**


	4. Electroconvulsive Therapy

The 'Letter' Nick has in this chapter was not written by me, but I love it so much. Who ever wrote it is a very talented writer, somewhere on LiveJournal

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_Three months earlier_

_Everyone had gone to the pub… Except Sara. She had waited for me, silently understanding that I didn't want to be left alone tonight. My year anniversary of being buried alive._

_We were supposed to be meeting the others at 'The Strip' a pub that most of their nights were spent. But somehow Sara knew, she just knew. They had never spoken about it, but she knew about my alcohol problem. And she understood. _

"_Nick," her voice was barely audible, I had to wait for her to go on, "I understand if you don't want to go to the pub tonight. Don't talk, I just want you to know that I understand what a destructive addiction is like to deal with. Believe me, its not easy."_

_She just knew. She knew that he wanted to say so much, and he knew that she knew it already._

"_Thanks Sara." They embraced in a loving, caring, sibling-like hug. Finally letting go, Sara turned around and left. She had slipped a note into my pocket, in an envelope entitled 'My Addictive Destruction'._

_After a silent drive home, pondering over whether or not to read the letter, I had come to the conclusion that I would. I turned over the envelope to open it._

'_Dear Nicky,_

_Always here for you_

_Love Sara'_

_The letter inside was titled '_I am an a r t i s t. And my medium is ...b l o o d.'

_The letter read as follows;_

_You like to push yourself to the edge. Push that blade deeper and deeper and deeper, and when you get to the point where you can't stand it anymore, just push deeper. The blood calms you--soothes you. That's why you do this to yourself, don't you? Because you can't stand the pain, if you're completely truthful with yourself. You're doing it for the blood and only the blood. Red and lustrous and beautiful and calming. Only the red causes the ceaseless screaming in your mind to stop, and when it retreats, draw it back out again! Draw it out with razor blade lures and steel jawed traps._

People can't believe that this is actually you, that this is the darkness inside you. You act so happy. So loving. On the inside, this is you, twisted and cold and fucked up. But sometimes you think to yourself that you're the normal one. Everyone else is fucked up, the whole universe is fucked up--not you, though. You're normalcy to its limits. You like to think that, anyway, but then you remind yourself that you're just a sick little girl. A broken wind-up toy, your heart has stopped beating long ago. You desperately want someone to come along and re-wind you, and make you start ticking again, all jerky movements and whirring gears.

Artificial. What isn't artificial in your life? Artificial sweeteners, artificial dairy, artificial flavorings, artificial family, artificial lovers, artificial friends. Acquaintances. Friends-But-Not-Friends, and you can't stand them. They would just as soon punch you in the gut, make you double over in pain, than hold you close and comfort you. Saccharine smiles dripping with sugary sweetness--too sweet, it makes you nauseous.

So you go back to the blade. And it all goes back to the blade, everything. Your world is the blade. Nothing else. That edge and that point and its gorgeous as it shoves in, rapes your skin, breaks it open. Bleed and bleed and bleed and bleed. The torrents of blood make you slightly hysterical, giggle-crying like someone pushed to the edge tends to do. You think that the blood is seeping out of every pore, you're bleeding to death, you can't stop this, and now some bubbles up your throat, running down your cheek and chin and neck and down your breasts and leaving a gooey red mess in its wake. Are you hallucinating? Are you insane? This isn't reality, honey, this is d e l u s i o n.

You're so unsteady on your perch. And then you get shoved, and you snap, and you just end up bleeding again. And it's sick the way you wipe it up with your finger, smearing it in between the ridges of your fingerprint, bringing that finger up to your lips and ingesting wonderful poison. Sick the way you smear it all over yourself. Sick the way you finger paint with it and sometimes even plunge a paintbrush into ruby red lips, writing on a piece of paper words of truth and words of pain and words that you think you'll die if you don't get them down onto that paper. It's all you can do to keep your self sane.

And it repeats and it repeats and it repeats and it repeats, and repetition is Hell and Hell is repetition.

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"Hey guys Grissom's txting me…"

GRISSOM

Just got home, about to have a shower then dinner. How's she doing Cat?

CATHERINE

She hasn't spoken yet, but she has been released to the main ward again. They have put her on some meds to keep her calm, and they say we can be with her tomorrow. For now we can only observe.

GRISSOM

OK, just tell me if anything changes. And I mean anything Cat. Ill see you tomorrow.

There was an awkward silence in the room as the three colleagues tried to think of something to talk about.

"I'm gonna do a coffee round, any takers?"

"Yeh I'll have a black, no sugar thanks Nick."

"Better make it two Nicko."

"Well now that we're alone…"

I wouldn't even let him finish his sentence.

"Warrick…"

"…Cat"

The plain grey room they were in was only just big enough to fit four chairs in, and these four chairs were all occupied by the couple laying on them.

At first they were sweet kisses, just pecks on the lips, but as time went by they turned into more. Full of want and need, they could taste passion in each others lips. A small whimper escaped Catherine's lips as Warrick's enveloped her own, so smooth and silky, his tongue tracing the outline of her lips. It was just foreplay, something to do until her lips were lubricated enough for his tongue to go in for the grand slam.

After finally giving in Catherine slowly released the tension held by her jaw, allowing a tongue that was just the right size to creep in and caress her own. And moving hurriedly fighting for dominance.

"Not here…" she panted, "not now."

When had he started to massage her stomach? Slowly getting further up to her chest, slipping his cool fingers under the lace of her bra. The kiss had consumed her and she knew no details, only the facts. It was happening.

"A little help guys!" Nick was back with the coffee and he couldn't open the door with three in his hands.

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The silent was awkward as we watched Sara's emotionally devoid form through the one way mirror of the observatory. She couldn't stand, as she tried, two nurses rushed towards her, and caught her as she fell. They were uttering words of kindness and encouragement while supporting her weight between them. Walking her to the bathroom for her evening shower was her exercise for the day. It was sad to watch, she had helped him in his time of need. But he didn't know what to do to help her. His poor little Sara, so fragile, so broken, so lifeless.

"I knew she was going to do this. I could have stopped her."

Catherine and Warrick looked stunned.

"She warned me, she gave me a letter that outlined how she had hurt and mutilated herself, I should have seen this coming." A tear escaped my eye, then two more, until the tears wouldn't stop coming and then there was a warm hand rubbing my back. No, two warm hands.

"It's ok Nick, we all should have seen this coming." Good old Cat, trying to cheer me up.

"She will be fine Booger-Boy, trust me, she's in good hands."

"WARRICK!" Screamed Cat. This earned him a sharp elbow to the ribs, bringing a smile and laugh from my lips.

"Say Nick, do you have that letter on you?" In my shirt pocket I pulled out an envelope. "Mind if we read it?"

"Sure"

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Two men walked out of the closing elevator doors onto the Psychiatric Ward. One looked very neat, freshly shaved, and casual, but not boganish. (cool wordXD) The other had short spikey hair, was dressed very casually, and had a book of medical records and picture in his hand.

"So those are your medical records then?" The neat man asked.

"Yes. And pictures of the various institutions I stayed at."

"OK, and you had electroconvulsive therapy at three of the treatment centres?"

"Yes." The casual man was starting to look bored.

"How could I not have known about this? It was never on any of the records that we got when we hired you." The neat man looked confused.

"I didn't want anyone to know I existed until the day I got released, I wasn't alive until then, so I had myself erased. And started again."

With that they walked off, on their way to the observatory.

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CLIFF HANGER!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol, 2 chapters in one dayXD w00t


	5. GSR smut

Sorry for the long wait, had some personal stuff come up. Nice smutty chapter to make up for it 

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The storm was raging outside as Sara watched Grissom sleep.

"He's gorgeous isn't he Sara?" the voice of her mother said softly. "You two would be good for each other."

"Thanks mom, I think so too." Her smile faltered. "But he doesn't…"

"Are you sure? Why don't you find out."

Sara started to rise and Grissom's eyes gently opened and focussed on her.

"Sara…" His whisper whipped through the silence and Sara was beside him in a flash.

"You can always stop," she whispered close to his ear. And before he had time to ask her what she had meant, her lips were grazing over his beard, and he understood.

Her eyes had a look in them that could only mean her heart was about to shatter, and when he couldn't bear it any longer he leant in. Her lips were soft at first, but slowly they began to mould into his own, the silent words forming on their lips, turning into caressing. His hand slowly rose up her thigh to the curve of her spine where it rested, uncertain at first, but strong.

Her hand rose up to his neck, pulling him into a very passionate kiss. Their lips stopped momentarily as a wail came from the next room, and they once again realised where they were. Their eyes met. And then they closed again, uncaring as to where they were, lost in the moment. Grissom's tongue gently slipped out of his lips, begging for entrance on Sara's lower lip, nudging its way into her mouth.

It was a soft caressing at first, but slowly became stronger as Grissom pulled her into his chest. His warmth radiated from his form, making her linger, taking in his scent. Vinegar and olive oil. He tasted of it too.

Slowly his tongue came to a rest, and he nibbled a little on her lips, but they parted and their eyes met.

"Sara..." He seemed lost for words, "are you ok, feeling alright?"

"Yes," she looked towards her mother briefly, "but mom would like a cup of tea."

A worried look came across his face. "Your mother, she's here?"

"Yes, of course she is, just in that corner." She pointed to the corner her bed was in. "Sitting on my bed."

"Sara," he was reaching for the nurses button, "your mother is dead."

As the realisation that her mother was indeed dead, and she was hallucinating, the nurse rushed in, murmuring words to Grissom, but all that Sara could hear or see was laughing, high pitched laughter. Then nothing.

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Sorry again for the delay, and sorry the chapter isn't longer, I just super glued my fingers together whilst trying to fix broken glassXD off to the hospital for me, so I can type againXD but in the mean while I hope this entertains you.

Jo

(P.S. the two mystery men were Greg (spikey hair) and Grissom (smart-casual)


	6. Sara's back!

FOUR MONTHS LATER

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Slowly Sara had started showing positive signs of the medication starting to set in. The psychotic episodes were not frequent or long, and the physical wounds had almost fully repaired themselves.

She was still off work, but began in one week time.

Grissom pulled into her driveway and quietly shut his motor off, hoping not to wake her. He had just finished work and it was close to 6am, and as per usually, it was Saturday morning and he would be making her breakfast soon.

The side effects of Sara's medications were mainly drowsiness, with which Sara used coffee, and memory loss from the first few weeks she started taking them. This left Grissom in an awkward position. Did she remember what had happened between them, could she differentiate it from a dream, or had she forgotten completely?

Grissom only had a short time to think over this as when he got inside Sara was standing in front of him with a plate of French toast and fried eggs.

"Wha…?" Grissom was stuck for words.

"We need to talk." She said simply. Eyes blank and unreadable.

He sighed, sitting down on the sofa and preparing himself for their conversation.

She studied his movement, how his face lit up as he tasted her French toast, and how his eyes comfortably rested upon her own.

"So…" he started, "what are we talking about?"

She thought for a moment, trying to think of how to explain her feelings.

"To begin with I need you to understand that this is a good day, tomorrow could be a bad day, and I wouldn't be able to speak about this. Because it's a good day I can see a positive future and I feel that I can get better, and I _will._ But we both know that it will not last forever."

"OK…" His eyes were focussed only on her, and his plate had joined his coffee cup on the table, focussing his full attention.

"I know you haven't probed, or asked me about anything that happened, and thankyou for that, but now im ready to talk, and the first thing we need to discuss is what happened when I saw my mother." Her voice was starting to break and his heart melted for her. "My memory is fine."

A sharp intake of breath, and her eyes closed momentarily as his hand covered her own. Slowly caressing her creamy white skin.

"This," she gestured towards herself and Grissom, "is what I mean. You have avoided our relationship until the point where I was about to break and now you have brought all the memories, all the thing I had put behind me, back. Will it stay this way, because I don't need anymore false hope."

The tears were starting to shine in her eyes, and he could tell she was holding them back, praying for him to say yes. _Needing_ him to say yes. And he gladly did.

"Yes Sara," his eyes pierced through the air without blinking, "it will stay this way, I have come very close to loosing you this past six months, and I won't let myself ignore my feelings any longer."

It was silent a moment, and then a moment longer. His hand still remained on hers, still gently making circles moving up to her wrist.

**(A/N: ill let you think of what comes next; )**

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"SARAAA!!!!!!!!"

Sara turned, caught a flash of green, and was on the ground, with a somewhat excited Greg.

"I missed you soooooooooooooo much!"

"Greg." She looked at him blankly. "I saw you last night."

"Yeah but I missed working with you! It's been so boring, plus Catherine and Grissom have been so annoying to work with! You know, the whole shared-supervisor-thing?"

She loved this kid, he was so excitable, yet so smart and charming.

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He stood outside waiting, and observing, watching the pair's elaborate hand gestures and expressions. He smiled as Greg obviously fainted a face of hurt as Sara laughed.

"Good to see her back and happy isn't it?" Catherine had appeared from no-where.

"Yes. It's good to be home." He smiled, once more watching as Nick and Warrick joined in the conversation. Then he walked into the break room, followed by Catherine.


End file.
